Three days until the London Book Fair 2012 and preparations are intense. Checklist as follows.
- Make at least two appointments so that your gait is purposeful as you stride about the aisles. Yes! I’m meant to be here! I’m having coffee with several professionals!
- Study the floor plan intently for at least a week in advance of the event. It won’t help but you will feel ‘prepared’.
- Abandon all hope of ever locating the Westminster Room on said floor plan, where most of the seminars you’re interested in are taking place, and just hope you can follow someone with a sign on their head saying “I’m going to the same gig as you!”
- Download the LBF 2012 app and then swiftly remove it again because your elderly iPhone is wheezing with shock and taking half an hour to change pages. And smoking gently at the corners.
- Wonder if you’ll get in to the Caitlin Moran interview in the PEN Literary Cafe, or whether somehow Security will know that you inadvertently insulted her on Twitter by likening her new shoes to something Grayson Perry would buy.
- Learn to say, “How are your sales going on Wild, then?” in French, Finnish and Swedish.
- Get over-excited at the prospect of the LBF Tweetup on Tuesday evening where there is talk of canapés.
- Feel supercilious about the Author Lounge.
- Debate suitable shoes. Endlessly. (I’ll be walking = Doc Martens! I’ll be schmoozing = pointy boots! I’ll need to be eight feet tall to see where I’m going in the crowds = fetish heels! I need to get everywhere on time = roller skates!)
- Consider wearing a silver stetson so everyone remembers you, though hopefully not Caitlin Moran.