I know I haven’t been anywhere near you for months. I’m sure you have all been weeping into your cornflakes about my lack of communication. You probably haven’t slept. You may have struck me off, or unliked me, or taken out a contract on my virtual life. Or indeed on my real life. What can I say? How can I possibly make amends?
You didn’t miss me one bit. In fact – and it’s OK to admit it – the sight of this update pinging into your email made your heart sink. What, MORE inbox stuff to wade through, along with Facebook updates and Twitter follows and Ebay ending-soons and LinkedIn connections (Dolores Umbridge has a New Role as a Health and Safety Officer in a high-security jail in Alabama!) and that blog you thought was funny six months ago – whoops, that’s me – and something about nursery furniture because you once fatally clicked ‘like’ on a crocheted baby hat that resembled a bumble bee…? Doesn’t it all make you want to put your head in the sand and pull down the blinds – hang on, do that the other way round, grit’s a bugger on window sills – and JUST HOPE IT ALL GOES AWAY?
But I say to you: Float free, friends! Just don’t get eaten by octopi because you weren’t looking where you were going! Drop by occasionally if you would like to know more about the progressing adventures of the Space Penguins (just finished writing #6: MONSTER MOON, thanks for asking) or have any questions about those books I have already potty-trained and sent out into the big wide world to widdle on the wrong person’s shoes.
Otherwise, forget me. Go away and live unencumbered lives.